Overcoming Sibling Rivalry

Few things disturb me more than hearing my children argue.

I want my children to grow up with happy memories of their time together, not resentment over childhood disagreements. Conflict is inevitable, but our children should see each other as friends, not rivals.

Here are some Ways to End Sibling Rivalry:

• Don’t make comparisons. Appreciate differences in your children, and teach them to appreciate and admire each other’s strengths.

• Don’t play favorites. Some children are easier to handle than others. It is also sometimes difficult to like children who share our weaknesses. Ask a spouse or trusted friend if they have noticed you showing favoritism. Spend time learning to enjoy a child you find difficult.

• Don’t be fair. Focus on meeting each child’s needs, not making sure you treat them all equally.

• Don’t allow meanness or name-calling. As a rule of thumb, if you wouldn’t let them say it to a non-family member, don’t let them say it to a sibling. In addition, teach your children to laugh with, not at each other.

• Look at the wrongs of both parties to an argument. Some children can be crafty in their attempts to provoke and annoy siblings.

• Don’t separate them. I used to send my children to bed when they argued until an online mentor asked me what they were learning while they were asleep. The truth is, I was only making things easier on myself. Instead of avoiding conflict, teach your children to communicate and negotiate.

• Encourage your children to enjoy each other and to prefer each other over outside friends. Let them work together on projects and chores. Help them learn to see themselves as part of the same team.

Remember, socialization begins at home. A child who can get along with his brothers and sisters can get along with just about anyone.

For more information about strengthening sibling relationships, read Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by Sarah Mally, Harold Mally, and Stephen Mally.

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